As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
