i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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