My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
