I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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