well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
