don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
there is glitter all over my balls
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
