i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
please come you make the beer taste better
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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