Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
