his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
