I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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