goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
