The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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