I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
