You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
