he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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