so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
