Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
