So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
