WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
