I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
