Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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