he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
