I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
