dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
