i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
