my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
