I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
