I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
