Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
