According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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