someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
