Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
