Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
smell my finger.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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