I skipped work to stalk him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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