I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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