honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
