omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
