i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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