i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
