he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
