So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
