i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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