If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
not ubering you a puppy
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
