The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
