Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
