My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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