yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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