hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
