i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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