I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
