I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When are your genitals available?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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