Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
