Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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