The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
