I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
this is an emotional support booty call
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
